Job Loss Grief - Part II
By Deborah Kintner

Post-Termination Phase Another form of grief occurs once the axe has actually fallen and you need to find a new position. Even if you have experienced the Pre-Termination phase, it is likely you will still experience this type of grief. Of course, it tends to manifest itself most severely following a totally unexpected termination. The stages of this phase are as follows:

Stage One: Numbness
This is a period in which you have difficulty feeling anything and experience disbelief that your job is really gone. During this interval, people often act as if they can continue their former lifestyle without the income they were accustomed to receiving. However, harsh reality eventually sets in and the feelings start.

Stage Two: Yearning
After the numbness wears off, a person may start feeling nostalgic and “homesick” for the former position, even if it felt miserable while employed. Besides missing the job, people start to miss the routine the job provided, their co-workers, the feeling of cooperation and teamwork, etc. At this point, a person may even experience anger toward the company or toward the people who still have their jobs.

Stage Three: Disorganization and Despair
Although the person has accepted the fact that the job is gone, it may still be difficult to move on in life. At this time, the person is likely to procrastinate in the job search process. This may be due to both a fear of not being able to find what they want or need and shame that they lost the job in the first place. Most of us grew up with the belief that productive people hold jobs. Consequently, when joblessness occurs, it becomes difficult to maintain a self-image of a valuable, productive person. In addition, the efforts that are made are often haphazard, disorganized, and ineffective. Depression is common during this stage of your grief.

Stage Four: Reorganization of Behavior
This is the time when the person decides to make changes and pursue goals, despite the job loss. Instead of obsessing about the past, the person re-directs the focus toward the future and potential opportunities and possibilities. This may be a time when you decide to work toward a change in career or to seek a higher level of responsibility than you had previously held. It’s a time of re-assessing the direction you wish to go and the path you want to follow. Consequently, you begin to actively plan, rather than fantasize. Once the plan is made, it is put into action.

It is important to realize that you may go through some stages more than once and they do not always proceed in the order described. However, work on recognizing where you are in the grief process so that you may work through it effectively. You have three basic choices – You can fixate on your misfortune and remain were you are; you can go backwards; or you can work toward moving on in your life in hopes of achieving what you want.

Symptoms of job-loss grief include diminished ability to parent, difficulties adjusting to new roles within the family, failure to notice the good times or to remember the ones from the past, increased arguing, blaming others for your problems, disputes about finances, worrying about what others will think of you, or obsessive concerns about the possible need to re-locate.

You can manage your job-loss grief by following the guidelines below:

1. Acknowledge what has happened. Feel free to tell people that you have lost your job. You may find that they have experienced something similar and can support you in your efforts.

2. Join or form a support group. Find others who are in the same type of situation so that you can share your experiences, provide mutual support, and learn helpful suggestions or hints. Such a group also helps you feel less isolated because it confirms that others are going through the same difficulties you are.

3. Process your emotions. Admit to others the emotions you are feeling. Anger, fear, frustration, and hurt feelings are acceptable and need to be shared with others who care about you. By acknowledging what is happening inside you, you can start developing skills and strategies for dealing with them rather than holding on to them and having them control you.

4. Encourage, reinforce, and affirm yourself. It is important to build up and maintain your self-esteem, especially when times get rough. Notice the things you do right, find time to pamper yourself , and say positive things about yourself and others. Even if you start out not believing the words you verbalize, if you say them enough, they will begin to feel comfortable and correct.

5. Deepen relationships. Hard times can either make or break a relationship. If you allow closeness and share your thoughts and feelings with the significant people in your life, they can serve as a major source of strength and encouragement. Don't be afraid to lean on them more or to rely on them to accept you as you are. They may also serve to pick you up and get you moving when you become discouraged and ready to quit.

6. Maintaining or establish a sense of spirituality. This can be another major avenue for gaining support and strength. It can help you develop the inner fortitude and calmness to continue, despite misfortune.

7. Find opportunities to laugh. Although you may feel that there is little to laugh about during this time, having a good laugh will help maintain both your physical and mental health. Look at the humor in every day events. Laugh at yourself when you do something silly. In fact, you may purposely do silly things in order to reduce the internal tension you may be feeling.

8. Maintain your health. Eat regular, balanced, nutritious meals. Exercise regularly. Take any necessary medications. In order to eventually find and land a position, you need to be healthy enough to project a confident image and to exude an aura of competence.

9. If necessary, seek professional help. If you are having difficulty coping with your emotional responses, find a good counselor or therapist. Ask about whether you may need anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication. If you are not making progress in your job search efforts, speak with a career specialist who can direct you in how to assess your skills and present them most effectively to employers. This professional may also play the role of mentor or coach to encourage you in your efforts and to prod you when you start lagging in your search activities.

By following these simple steps and never giving up on yourself or your job search, you can pave the way to a brighter future, even if you have felt devastated by your job loss. YOU CAN MAKE IT!!!

About the author: Deborah Kintner